So i was once in Love... with this guy that I thought was great and really nice and just an all around good person... But people change. And their feelings change. And Now I have changed for the better.
I was treated in a way that no girl, or person for that matter, should be treated. I was ignored and lied to. I was left alone in a relationship. I tried my hardest to save my relationship with this person that I so called "Loved." I waited an entire summer for him to come around and that never happened.
We had such a good year and 3 months together... We were technically together for 1yr and 5months and like 15 days. The last two and a half months of that were hell on earth for me. And he had no idea. He had no idea that going away to a different state and not calling me would hurt my feelings. Maybe he did and those were his intentions to just not speak to me again... I don't know. All I know is that he just all of a sudden quit caring and quit me.
All of the good times we had together and all of the times we shared. We did everything together. We went out to eat, we went to the movies, we laughed until we cried. We were a couple that people didn't understand. We never fought... and there was nothing that I ever wanted to fight about. People would say don't the two of you ever fight and the response was no... never. So I have no idea where those times went. I have No idea where the guy I loved went.
I know that I wasted two and a half months of my summer crying over him. I spent days sitting at my house because i was too sad, too depressed to leave. I don't know what brought me to that point in my life but its something I'll never do again. That is one thing I am thankful for from him... I'll never cry again for a guy, I'll never waste my summer, I'll do my own thing. And if what I am doing fits with you then thats awesome!!
I knew before that I had good friends and family members... Now I know that they are more than good! They are awesome!! And they always knew how to make me smile when I thought I couldn't do it anymore. They always found the right words to make me feel better... I don't have that ability... I can make people laugh... but I cant give advice... Its just not my thing. I'm thankful to these people. And I haven't named anyone in this yet but I'm going to now...
To my mom... who came and held me when I cried and told me that everything would be ok. and taught me that he was stupid and immature and didn't know what he was losing. She opened my eyes to things I had never seen and always tried to show me both sides of the situation. Thats what I needed. I needed to see both sides... She listened to me while she was at work at 3 in the morning and I was still awake because I couldn't sleep. Who told me that I deserved better and that I was so smart and had so much potential and that he was nothing but a setback. And even when i yelled at her because I was angry at the world she still stood right by my side. I love her soo much and she is awesome.
To my dad... who seemes clueless... but he wasn't. I have no idea what he said to this day... But I'm sure he told me to quit Squalling. lol. Because he would say something like that... and he told me that i was so smart and that I could do anything I ever wanted... which is true. And even when he made me nasty hamburger helper on my most saddest days... he was still there for me. And he got my mind on other things. Like giving him a hair cut. Even though I have no idea what his exact words were... its just his presence that made me feel better. Maybe its cause I'm a daddy's girl, I don't know... and he watched the movies that I wanted to watch one night and thats not him at all... haha. I just know that he had overcome it all in his life and he never once told me what I should or shouldn't do. He let me learn for myself and in the end I will be a better person having done what I thought was best and learning from my mistakes...
To Mrs. Patty... who knew something was wrong with me before I did. How did she know that? She knew something was up before I even told her. She could tell by the look on my face at lunch one day. She knew I wasn't happy. Then she tried to call me and trick me into thinking that she hadn't already talked to my mom by just randomly inviting me over one night. haha. I'm too smart for you guys!! You cant trick me!! I know when something was up. ha. But she floated in a freezing cold swimming pool with me for 3 hours and just listened to me talk and talk and talk. She always had the best advice to give. She always knew what to say and when to say it. She was an outside perspective of it all and somehow knew what the ending to my story would be. She knew I had to let go and move on... She knew what Tuck was thinking and doing way before I did... she always guessed it right and I don't know how she did it. It amazes me to this day that the things she assumed were going on and questioned me about all turned out to be right... Maybe she could read him like a book. But I dont Know... I just know she is amazing and always has been!! She is more of a role model for me than she will ever know!!
Mr. Kenneth... who never really said anything... I could just tell by the look on his face of what was going through his mind. I could tell that he wanted to go kill somone but never said he did. haha He said one thing to me like last week... and that was to have respect for myself... and that was all that was said and somehow it made perfect sense... That was the only line I needed...
To Jamie... who had been there before... who shared her stories that fit right into mine... that made perfect sense even thought they were at a different time and a different place wiht different people. It helped so much... she was the only person that really understood exactly how I was feeling because it had happened to her. So I thought about how good of a person she was and I thought about how happy she seemed now that she was through with that part of her life... and thats what helped me out a whole whole lot.... She is such a good friend to me and always had been...
To Cody Bradley... who introduced me to the songs the 7 things I hate about you... It just so happened to be the story of my life. He always listened to me. He just could make me happy by just being there. and who sent me the 7 things he loved about me... which is still saved in my phone from June 16th. Because its my favorite text message ever!!! he was just a lot of help to me this summer and I dont think he even knows it!! I <3 you!
Finally to Ashley or Ashlika... who is my best friend... Who was just always there. who was always there when I was lonely and always there when i just needed someone to talk too. She filled the void... She was there to tell me that we were going to the grillage and that we were not sitting around my house doing nothing... who always said the right things at the right time to make me laugh. Who just... goodness I cant even describe it... she just was there when he wasn't. thats all there is to say... She kept me laughing and kept me busy... and she and mr. Kenneth always had some joke about toe nails. lol. and it was just soo funny... And she has matches in her back seat... and she always listened to me when I vented... idk she is just my bff.
Well now back to the story...
This is the good part... I am a better person now. I am happy again. I smile and laugh all the time again. I am back being the old Jillian. Who people love!! I am through with immature high school people... The times were fun. You broke my Heart and there is nothing I can do about it but move on... and I would have written this blog like a week ago but this is the first oppurtunity that I have had...
So here I am... the new me. I am better off. I deserve to have a better person. I deserve to be treated like a person and not a dog.
The person for me is out there and I am very excited about meeting that person... Meanwhile... this was just an experience that I needed in my life. So I hope you enjoyed my blog... and thanks for helping me out for those of you that did!!
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